I’ve been asked, more than once, where is Jess. This blog is a team effort. I’m on the team. Jess is on the team. Feline Overlord is on the team. Cowardly Boy Cat is on the team.

If you’re a regular reader, than you know where Feline Overlord is. She’s over there trying to figure out a way into my project bag so she can muck up all my knitting. Cowardly Boy Cat is hiding under the bed (the safest place in the world). But where is Jess?

Jess is all over this blog. You just don’t see her. I think at the moment, she is hiding behind that Follow button in the upper right corner. What you do see is that most everything on this website is working. There are no broken links (as far as I know), no images that accidentally blew up to 400 megabytes, and no pages of doom to crash your mobile when you open them. If you think I am responsible for all of this flawless web performance than let me just…

just…

laugh my ass off.

I? I could not make the pictures on the Our Patterns page line up against the left side. Nope, I’m not exaggerating. Even though the entire page is only a collection of pictures with captions, and even though WordPress provides me with a “left alignment” button, I could not get the little buggers to line up. I had to get Jess to do it for me. I have to get Jess to do pretty much everything around here for me.

So when Jess told me that her recent spate of washcloth making was too easy and it left her with a burning need to start something really, really hard I stepped right up. I’m here to help. Spending hours and hours searching patterns on ravelry is a hard duty, but I’ll do it because its for Jess.

(Btw, I think she is fruit-loops crazy. I take the completely opposite approach with my crafting. I break up the stupid, over-complicated heirloom-worthy knitting with quick and easy stuff, like washcloths. If my project is a toughie I’m usually slogging through it while having daydreams about making no-brainer-beanies.)

So I told Grandma Ravelry that Jess needed a migraine-inducing pattern and this is what she gave me:

Fox Paws

This absolutely gorgeous pattern went viral not too long ago. The Yarn Harlot gave it a try and described it as “like feather and fan on smack.”

Orchid Circular Shawl

How about a shawl based on that fun little clone stitch Irish crocheters dreamed up? Jess likes clone stitching. Yes, really. I betcha she’d love this.

Crochet Overlay Mandala No. 5

Its a doily. Not an intricately designed symbol used in two world faiths to represent the interconnectedness of the universe. Its a doily.

Old Forge

And here is the one I hope she decides to make. It looks so warm and cozy and maybe she’d let me borrow it. Its a Stephen west design. You can tell because he had it photographed with a super cute guy for us. Stephen is awesome like that.
Any one else have suggestions? Something that looks like it might require six months of solid work maybe? While your considering what to recommend, here is just a little bit more about Jess. She made the Hemlock Ring Blanket and gave it to her mom who uses it as a tablecloth and the two of them argue about which side should be face up, the knit side or the purl side. They never once (apparently) argue about how that is waaaaay too much fancy knitting to put on a stupid table.