Dear ACME Needle Company,
I’m writing to call your attention to the missing knitting needles in your line of products. It may have escaped your notice, but there are needle sizes that you do not offer. This is a grave oversight in my opinion and one that needs to be corrected at the earliest opportunity!
I am speaking of course of size 12, 14, 16, 18, etc knitting needles. They do not seem to exist. I have an extensive knitting needle collection. You may recognize my name and address and credit card number because I buy knitting needles all the time. I buy straights, I buy double points, I buy circulars. I have two sets of interchangeable tips. I buy wooden and metal and plastic. The plastic needles in my needle stash surprise even me since I hate to use plastic needles. But there they are.
But no where in this collection do I seem to have size 12’s. Not of any variety. That does not seem right to me and I call on you to correct this immediately! I should have such needles and they should be nestled in my needle organizer between the size 11’s and the size 13’s.
Let me point out that you have gone all in on the odd size of 10.5. Those are everywhere, in every store and in every knitter’s collection, even though I’m not entirely convinced we need half-size needles. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not criticizing your decision to manufacture the size 10.5 needles. I own them myself. I also own a set of size 1.5 dpns and a size 2.5 circular. I purchased them, I like having them, and no you can’t take them back. I just want to point out that half-sizes may not be absolutely necessary to the craft of knitting.
And yet we have them. That, ACME Needle Company, is my point. We knitters already own needles that we do not use. Most of us own more than own set of needles that we do not use. We would be happy to buy more if only you would make them. Let me make my case.
I own this set of size 0 needles. I have no intention of ever using them to knit anything. Any project I took up which required these needles would take longer than my remaining lifespan and drive me over the edge of sanity. If I ever find myself coerced into using them, I will complain, and whine, and look for a way to get out of it. But I enjoy owning these needles all the same. It makes me feel good knowing they are in my needle organizer, right at the very beginning, before the size 1’s.
I might have used a size 1 needle one time. Maybe. I can’t be certain. But I really like the size 1, 40-inch long needle that I have. Its so little and delicate and it makes me smile.
At the other end of the spectrum is the size 11 which is the largest size I have ever personally used to make anything. I made a hat with them I think, and maybe a scarf. In spite of my very infrequent use of them, I own several sets in this size.
Then there are the size 13’s, 15’s and 17’s. I have never used them. I probably never will. That gray size 15 circular you see there? Not only is it two big for anything I want to make but the tips are plastic. Also, the cord is quite stiff. Frankly I hate it. Its a terrible knitting needle. But size 15 needles are cool and so I’m keeping it!
Do you see yet, dear ACME Needle Company, where I am going with this? If you would make size 12 needles I would buy them. I would buy them in straights, double points, and then I would buy a circular in every length. I am not alone in this. I feel absolutely certain that 18,000 other knitters would do the same. After that we would buy the size 14’s, 16’s, and so on.
Now, you may be saying to yourself “Yes but since those needles would never be used, they would never be broken/lost/replaced. So it is not profitable to make them”. Ahhh. Well, I’m sure the devious souls in your marketing department could come up with a few ideas to make this practical. You could for example, make them available for a limited time. You could then charge twice the normal amount. You might release one new size a month and designate 2015 as The Year Of The Big And Impractical Knitting Needles! Get yours while supplies last!
Then you could cheat and sell them all again in 2016 “due to popular demand” or something. You could package them together and sell them as the Set Of Really Big Needles That You Will Never Use. We knitters will sigh and roll our eyes of course. We will tell each other that we are not surprised, we knew those needles weren’t really a limited-time-thing, and isn’t is dastardly that we got tricked into paying twice the normal amount for our 2015 needles. Then we would all go out and buy a second set of everything. One never knows when one might have two size 16 projects going at the same time right? Right.
So please, just make the absurdly large knitting needles in the even number sizes and let us give you our money. Please?
Your Ever Helpful and Neighborly Knitter With a Credit Card,
P.S. After buying all our new knitting needles, we will need bigger needle organizers to hold them. Just giving you the heads up.