Did you know that one of the names I considered for this blog was “Runs On Coffee”? It was. (Another was “Covered in Cat Hair”, btw.)
My current coffee stash*. I’m set. With this much coffee I can stitch and write for months!
You should drink coffee and lots of it. Let me try to talk you into that.
If coffee was just a caffeine delivery system we wouldn’t love it so very, very much. Case in point, there are approximately 134 million pinterest boards dedicated to pictures of coffee. There are zero pinterest boards dedicated to caffeine gum. Coffee is aroma and flavor. Its rich and warm. Its also vitamins and minerals and antioxidants. Its also good for you.
The Washington Post says so.
So does the International Business Times.
I won’t bother repeating all the benefits they list. I wouldn’t want to steal thunder from these two investigative power houses and their hard hitting stories about drinking coffee. You can click those images/links and give them a look-y if you like. They got the basics. They explain that steady coffee drinking reduces the risk of developing Parkinsons and diabetes and Alzhiemers and multiple sclerosis. But that is just the minor stuff. They completely missed the big stuff. Coffee can do so much more than just keep you healthy.
So I guess its up to me, and my itty-bitty yarn blog, to explain the major benefits of coffee drinking to the world.
- Coffee will make you a nicer person. I once submitted myself to highly scientific study and found that I am kind of a mean and cranky bitch before my first cup of coffee. Further study proved that after one to two cups, I can be trusted to handle a mildly irritating situation without threatening to kill anyone.
- When you have a cup of coffee within hand’s reach, you are 63% less likely to drop any stitches.
- Coffee gives you something to do with your mouth besides talk. Don’t wrinkle your forehead. You know what I mean. At the risk of inflaming all relationship gurus everywhere, talking can be very, very bad. We all have snarky and/or brutally honest stuff we a dying to tell our friends and spouses and children. When the urge hits to Say The Thing Thing You Should Not Say, drink coffee. Keep drinking until the urge passes. Then look up and say “Gee! I need more coffee” and walk away. Relationship disaster avoided.
- You can drink as much coffee as you want and not find yourself speaking very carefully to a patrolman at 2 am while trying to walk a straight line and find your nose with your left hand.
- Coffee will keep you alert and on your guard and ready to intercept the next attack your cat launches on your knitting (or fiber stash or house plants or clean laundry). Keep in mind that these little balls of fur nap all day, wake up when you least expected it, and strike! You have to be aware and constantly maintain your defenses (screen doors, project bags, cans of Febreze air freshener) or they will overwhelm you and you will lose all of your nice things and your sanity. Trust me, you can’t stay in the fight against the nefarious Feline Overlords without coffee.
- No one has ever figured out a knit lace chart without coffee. Ever.
- Coffee prevents extra burdens from being added to the already overwhelmed American penal system. Without regular and steady coffee drinking I’d be doing 25 to life. I’m not the only one.
- You can crochet really, really fast after your 10th cup of coffee.
- Overpriced coffee-house style coffee gives serious, hipster, counter-culture types an excuse to drink all the hot chocolate they want. After a long, hard day of telling beleaguered suburbanites that they drive the wrong cars, eat the wrong food, use too much water, and participate in a culture that outrageously judges people on their genetically assigned gender (instead of the killer tattoos they sport) these social justice warriors really need a cup of
hot cocoachocolate latte frapa-whatever and a cookieoverpriced scone. I mean, their lives are HARD.
- The scent of freshly brewed coffee cannot.be.over.estimated.
Mhmmmmm. Can you smell that? I bet you can. And you feel better right? Right.
Not sure why those news agencies missed these, the true top ten reasons why you should drink plenty of coffee. Maybe they don’t know what’s important in life. Maybe they don’t knit. Maybe they are just a bunch of overblown, dreary, fake, and depressing gossip mongers who make money by keeping us all worried and unhappy.
Is my inner mean-girl showing? She is. I must need another cup of coffee.
* It seems that every HEB in Austin simultaneously stopped carrying my favorite brand of coffee. So I tried a new brand and gave myself a migraine. My mommy read about that on this blog. (I swear I did not call my mom up and whine about coffee because I am a grown woman with a smidgen of self-respect.) She went to the nearest HEB and bought out the whole shelf. Then she shipped it all to me.
The nearest HEB for her is a two and a half hour drive. One way.
Love you too Mom.