What is phubbing? I’m so glad you asked. You asking that is a sign, a small sign, that you are not hopelessly addicted to your mobile phone.

I don’t phub. I knit and that is so much classier.

When I’m in a social situation that requires anywhere from zero to half of my attention, I’m knitting. ideally its be easy, brainless, I-could-do-this-in-the-dark knitting. Like a plain old hat. Plain old hats are great for knitting while you are supposed to be paying attention to someone or something.

(All the pictures in this post were taken with my phone, which might explain why they are kind of cruddy. Not being a big fan of mobile phones I purchased the cheapest, simplest sort that I could find. Btw, me taking pictures of my knitting with my phone did not count as phubbing. It was strictly for documentary purposes!)

I went to the movie theater this week to watch Tom Cruise perform ridiculous feats of heroism, bravery, and stupidity while saving the world from bad guys that wanted to take over for no explicitly stated reason. I sat in the back, up high and therefore had a great view of everyone staring at their little screens on their phones while the previews scrolled by on the big screen. Those people weren’t just ignoring the advertising that all movie-goers are expected to sit through, they were ignoring the people sitting next to them. They were phubbing.

How rude.

I however, was ignoring the pre-views and the man sitting next to me who had, ahhhhh paid for my ticket, to sneak in a few rounds on my plain old hat. That may be rude too but its way classier and here is why:

• Knitting takes skill. Even the knitting of a plain old hat is something that 95% of the population could not manage for themselves. Anyone and everyone can poke out badly phrased text messages and check their FB page.

• Knitting has tangible results.  When I knit instead of giving someone my full attention I am making something. I’m saying that you, the person I’m with, mean less to me than this future magenta hat in chunky weight yarn. When phubbers phub instead of giving someone their full attention, they got nothing to show for it. They are saying that you mean less to them than the next level of Candy Crush Saga.

• I can knit a plain old hat while making eye contact with you. That gives the appearance of polite attention.

• When a bunch of knitters (and crocheters) get together, we look like a happy group of friends who share a common interest and enjoy each other’s company. We do not look like a collection of narcissistic tech-addicts who have forgotten how to behave in public.

… versus…

People are dull and the outside world can be a vast mind-numbing waste of your valuable time. We do need something to save us from the boredom of modern life. But if you pick up some yarn instead of your phone you’ll have the advantage. Hands down, knitting in public beats staring into that tiny screen. You’ll come off as elegant, refined, and maybe even artistic. Also, when you are walking down the side walk and you drop your knitting, it will never, ever crack like an egg and leave you wishing you had purchased that cell phone insurance policy from Esurance*. 

*Cell phone insurance policies are one of the signs of the End Times… right? Yeah I thought so.