I discovered something this week and it was quite by accident. I discovered how to determine, in advance, if a mom-to-be is worthy of a handmade baby blanket. Its a stealthy test that you conduct yourself and your subject never has to know that she is being judged six ways to Sunday.

First here is how I stumbled on to this worthiness test that I will now be implementing for the rest of my entire life. I know a mom-to-be. She is about 6 months along and tells me she is having a girl. So naturally I immediately began planning a baby blanket in my head. The plan was a square blanket made in soft white cotton using the crochet box stitch, finished off with a pale lavender edge.

Here is the box stitch as shown on mypicot.com (an absolute awesome crochet stitch library). Click the picture to go to her pattern.

But I can’t start on the blanket right at the moment. I have three shawls going! So I put it off. Then last week one of my students came to class with a highly convoluted baby booty pattern that she needed help with. It was a hot mess of a pattern so I gently talked her out of that and talked her into making a pair of Simple Crossover Booties by Louise Mac instead.

I love this pattern. The construction is so clever it makes me chortle in delight. Also I can make a bootie in about 20 minutes.

So after that lesson with my student I went home to make a pair myself that I’d give to my mom-to-be. I figured it would tied things over until I can get around to that box stitch baby blanket.

So I watched an episode of The Big Bang Theory and made a baby bootie.

Then I watched another episode and made another bootie.

Then I added little red bow ties just for fun.

Aren’t they just adorable? Baby booties are the best kind of booties. Not only are they little and fast but you know these will never wear out. Not ever. Baby feet aren’t for walking on. They are for kicking up into the air and waving around while a hapless adult tries to change a dirty diaper. Why not have those waving feet sport purple booties with little red bow ties?

I took my adorable booties with their adorable red bow ties and gave them to my mom-to-be. Her reaction?

Well…

She said “thanks” and crammed them into the front pocket of her jeans.

So guess who ain’t getting a white box stitch baby blanket with pale lavender trim? Guess who ain’t getting anything else out of me ever?

I swear this will be my modus operandi from now on. All expectant mothers will get booties. If they respond with an acknowledgement that handmade baby booties are indeed the most adorable thing in the whole freaking world, I start a baby blanket. If they make foolish and unintelligible cooing sounds, I start a blanket.

But if they treat them like they were a receipt spit out by an automated gas pump they ain’t getting squat.