This is pretty scary for me and I’ve been hiding it for a good while now. My eyesight is not what it used to be. Its not what it was a year ago or even a month ago. My poor eyes are getting worse and… I haven’t told anybody. Until now.
(If you happen to be someone I know in real life, and it upsets you that you are reading about this here, I’m sorry. I have trouble talking about health issues. Always have. Want to hear about the time I trudged around with a partially collapsed lung for about a month and didn’t admit anything was wrong until I passed out behind the wheel of my truck? Probably not. Again I’m sorry. I suck at admitting something is wrong. I also suck at coping with things I can’t control.)
I feel like I can’t take a decent picture anymore. The truth is I can’t really tell if my pictures are in focus, not even when I’m looking at the image on my big computer screen. Just looking at a computer screen makes my eyes ache.
Then there is the knitting. I’m having trouble seeing my stitches. I can manage… in good light… with my glasses on. Oh boy howdy does that scare the ever living crap out of me. A year ago I could knit outside as the sun went down. A month ago I just needed decent light. Now? Now I need my glasses an Ott Light to do anything more complicated than knits and purls.
But the worst is colors seem to be off. My optometrist (yes I been to see an optometrist, twice in fact) tells me that is normal. She also gently implied it was largely in my head. But I don’t think so. The colors I see are just not what they used to be. They are not bright enough or deep enough or real enough. I love color. I crave color. I don’t know how to accept this gray-ish version of the world.
Just typing that out is making me cry.
Except I can’t really cry because I can’t make tears. That is what came out in my second trip to the optometrist. I have dry eyes, very dried out eyes. That doesn’t sound like a big deal does it? But I guess it is. My eyeballs are drying out and so they don’t work right anymore. I could get new prescription glasses every month but it wouldn’t be anything more than a band aid.
Now maybe I’m just freaking out and maybe its not a big thing and maybe it happens to lots of people as they get older. That is in fact what my optometrist told me. “Its just part of getting older, Jenn.” But I need my vision. I’m a knitter and I need my vision. I demanded some help.
So the professional recommendation was to not do anything that strained my eyes for 10 days. That meant no computer (which I cheated on but only for half an hour a day because I had to have the news). That meant no knitting (which I cheated on but only when I was at my knit classes and only because I couldn’t bare to explain what was going on). I also have some prescription eye goo which DOES NOT help me see anything and in fact makes the world a big blurry mess because its really just Vaseline that you smear around on your eyeballs.
Ten days of almost-no knitting and almost-no computer and no reading books does not seemed to have refreshed my eyes. But it has convinced me that I absolutely have to hold on to my vision. The boredom was soul crushing. All I did to listen to music and vacuum my carpets and pet my kitties and try to cry.
The new plan? I’ve decided to cure myself and eyeball Vaseline is not a cure. I’ve been squinting at my computer screen and reading up on eye disorders and treatments and nutrition and home remedies. What am I trying? All of them. Fish oil and omega 3’s and 6’s and even 9’s (which I had never heard of before). Also lutein and zeaxanthin with vitamin A,C,E, and Zinc. Also lotsandlotsandlots of water along with electrolyte drinks which I absolutely detest but if it helps I’ll swig gallons of it.
And if any of you have suggestions I’ll try those too.
I’m done with sitting around in dimly lit rooms trying to cry. I’ll be out on my sunny porch drinking blue water that tastes vaguely like pee-pee (aka an electrolyte drink) and KNITTING on my Trickery.